Erin's Journal

Last Days of the Evil One

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:03:55 GMT

Today, frostmuffin and xelona took our dog Miko to the veterinarian to die by lethal injection. The alternative was to let Miko gradually die of dehydration after losing the ability to drink.

Miko was a small black mix of cocker spaniel and poodle, whom we had obtained from the local county animal shelter after Melody died. Her nickname was "The Evil One."

Our other deceased dogs--Shadowfax, Melody, and Callie--had died without assistance. Shadow died of old age in her sleep; Melody died of cancer in her sleep; and Callie died of a stroke in the back yard. As a child, Frostmuffin had accompanied her mother to put a family dog to death, but this was the first time she was in charge of the decision. She has been crying on Xelona's shoulder and my shoulder.

Miko had been cheating death for a long time. When we picked her up from the animal shelter five and a half years ago, the veterinarian discovered that Miko had cancer and predicted that she would die during the summer. When Miko survived summer, the vet gave her a year. After that, the vet gave up predictions. Though Miko resisted the cancer, the strain aged her, and though we guess she was only twelve years old at death, she looked like an old dog of sixteen years. She had gone blind two years ago. That didn't slow her down her hijinks. Fortunately, she also lost the strength to climb stairs about the same time, so that we did not have to worry about her blindly wandering off the top of the stairs, except for the entryway stairs at amethyst_dancer's house. This spring, she lost enough mobility that she could no longer head out the dog door to poop, so she did it wherever it suited her. And in the last month, she lost the ability to walk, so she spent her days on an absorbent pad on the heated floor of our new bathroom. (We have been doing some remodeling since July.) Either she was having mini-strokes, or the cancer had finally reached her nervous system.

Death wasn't the only thing she cheated. She earned the title "Evil One" by being a sneaky greedy dog. She had brains and she used them selfishly. She often stole other dogs' food. She thought that annoying persistent barking at odd hours could get her whatever she wanted. She liked to investigate corners and tight places, which was not a crime, but it often lead her to unplugging Frostmuffin's computer. She piddled on the floor of grandma's house, even though she knew how to be let out to pee. Her worst caper--that we know of--was when she pulled down the kitchen trash can to get at scraps and then deliberately lured our other dog, young Kerowyn, into the area in an effort to frame her.

I'll miss her.

Designing an algorithm

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:25:32 GMT

Both my father and my wife's father were engineers, and so are a good number of my in-laws. I dapple in boardgame design. My wife is a church musician who loves to plan out worship services. One daughter is an artist, and the other daughter majored in theater stagecraft, the building of sets and props for theater. Thus, our family indulges frequently in building and design.

It should be no surprise that I treat mathematical research as an exercise in design.

A month ago, I started developing an interesting mathematical algorithm for finding the community structure of a graph. Many collections of elements have a pairwise connections that we can easily represent as edges of a graph. Some problems in biology, materials science, and data mining have graphs of tens of thousands of elements, too much for the researchers to untangle by eye. So the researchers want to group the elements together into communities to simplify the picture.

Several community-finding algorithms have been invented and are in use. Unfortunately, the accurate ones are slow, the faster ones are less accurate, and none can be called truly fast. And what bothered me about all of them is that none of them give a clue as to how accurate their result is. Mark Newman and Michelle Girvan invented a modularity function to test the final result, along with inventing one of the most effective community-finding algorithms, but the modularity function lacks an exact meaning. High modularity is better than low modularity, and that is all.

Therefore, I decided to apply Bayesian probability techniques to the problem. A probability-based method should give a probability that its result is correct. I am not the first to apply Bayesian methods to this problem. Matthew B. Hastings published Community Detection as an Inference Problem in 2006, and Jake Hofman and Chris Wiggins published Bayesian Approach to Network Modularity in 2008. Hastings uses a Bayesian belief propagation technique that I have used myself, and Hofman and Wiggins use a technique called variational Bayes that I had not seen before. Both are iterative Bayesian techniques.

This is where design comes in. The mathematics and techniques in the papers are correct (and very heavy). The design of the algorithms is weak. They rely on the strength of their techniques rather than the strength of their data. Weak data states slow down iterative Bayesian techniques.

Their design mistake is a natural one: they modeled their internal data states on the desired final result. Since the final result is unknown at the beginning, their states start weak. I modeled my data states on the initial observations. Those are known, so my states start strong.

Except that my modeling did have a weak point. In order to link my data states to the observed graph, I needed to guess two numbers that Hofman and Wiggins called ϑ_c and ϑ_d, the intra-community probability of an edge and the inter-community probability of an edge. A statistician at work suggested that I model them as internal states, such as with a Dirchlet distribution. Hofman and Wiggins did that. Hah! That would weaken my data. I need a direct connection. Instead, I looked at the structure of my observational data, wrote it as equations in the two unknowns, and derived a calculation that would estimate those unknowns before I start up the Bayesian belief propagation.

My Bayesian belief propagation technique is cute. I know way too much about Bayesian belief propagation: I published a paper on it back in 2002. Thus, I had my choice of how to set it up. In other words, it is a design problem, too. I based it on a community-finding technique by Jonathan Cohen that will allow my program to run on distributed computing for extra speed.

I am not finished with the algorithm. I suspect that more design challenges lie ahead.

My daughters claim that I view mathematics as art. My daughters are insightful.

God is What?!

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:58:08 GMT

Next week in the evening I will be a storyteller at Vacation Bible School at our church. I am busy getting ready for it. The stories are set up as plays, with my character Old Storyteller as the narrator. These plays require one to four other actors. I don't have four assistants. On some days of the week, I won't even have one. On Wednesday, I won't be able to make it myself and someone else will play the narrator. So how am I going to put on a play without actors? This week I am making puppets.

I am also reading through the plays. Thursday's play is the one-actor play, Elijah acting out the scene from 1st Kings 19:9-13. Elijah was discouraged by King Ahab trying to kill him, so God told Elijah to wait on a mountain for the presence of the Lord. On the mountain there was a great wind that tore up the rocks and scattered them, but God was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but God was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but God was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. God was in the whisper.

The conclusion of the story, which I am supposed to get the children to recite, is that God is unpredictable.

What?!

Here is a lesson in which God shows his gentle side, that though he has almighty power and can be big and noisy and impressive, he instead chooses to visit us in peace. How does the writer get that God is unpredictable out of this? The writer means that God can be different from what we expect, that he does not fit our images of omnipotence. He made a mistake in saying "unpredictable" to describe this. We know from other Bible stories that God is faithful and steadfast, but unpredictable can mean the opposite: whimsical and arbitrary. I will rewrite that part of the play to make it match the Bible.

A few days ago my friend flamingophoenix posted a Livejournal entry Why does God need a starship?. The title is orginally from a question Captain Kirk asked a false god in the 1989 movie Star Trek V: The Final Frontier but it is also the title of this article she read that accuses God of being vain, petty, and childish. I won't answer the article, because it becomes petty and childish by posing strawman questions, but I want to answer flamingophoenix, who said,

Personally, this type of question (specifically, "Why would he torture people forever for not adopting a specific theology?" -- the others on that post, perhaps not so much) is why I believe in a clockmaker deity (if there is a God at all) rather than a personal, interventionist deity who requires belief from humans.

I don't see how a clockmaker God is any nicer about this than an interventionist God. The clockmaker would have set up this system of painful life from the beginning, and staying out of the daily workings does not reduce his responsibility. Besides, I have too much fun playing around with an interventionist God who has cast me in the role of comic relief.

I would love to pull an answer out of the Bible, but the Bible has little to say about why God is the way he is and why he created the universe the way he is. It talks about how much better life is with God to help us, but not why God created us so needy in the first place. The parts that do try to explain the nature of God, such as portions of the Gospel of John, are tediously abstract. The Book of Job in chapters 40 and 41 poetically states that God is so powerful as the creator of the world that everything in it belongs to him and we have no claim to order God to follow our wishes. That answer dodges the "why" question, but it does have colorful imagery about God fishing not for tiny fish but for the giant leviathan. (Why would our God need a starship? A starship would make a shiny fishing lure for a humongous space leviathan.)

In Luke 16:19-31, Jesus tells the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, where a rich man died and went to hell but poor beggar Lazarus died and went to heaven, so the rich man begs for Lazarus to bring him water, because "I am in agony in this fire." Abraham beside Lazarus answered the rich man, "Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony." Hell is Biblical. Further details about the tortures of hell were made up by preachers thinking to scare their congregation away from sin with vivid tales of punishment. We humans delight in hell more than God seems to, because we love to imagine our enemies finally receiving their just deserts. We don't do the math that eternal punishment must one day become more punishment than would be fair. On the same scale, eternal happiness would not be fair either.

To come up with any answers, I must put on my Heretic hat. Any time I speculate beyond what the scriptures say, I stray into error. But I like to analyze, imagine, and speculate, and then turn around and speculate in a completely different direction, so I joke that I belong to the Heresy of the Month Club. I avoid mentioning my heresies during Sunday School.

Here is my answer, and I answer with a question. What does it mean to be human? To be human is to grow and learn and struggle and face challenges. To be human is to battle against the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and gloriously come out victorious or gloriously die trying. God must put challenges before us for us to be fully human. The challenges do not have to be onerous, but to someone who lives an easy life even a trivial challenge seems painful. Remember how we all hated schoolwork, even though the only pain from schoolwork was some mental strain, terrible boredom, and fear of failure? Real pain, unrelated to any challenge, prepares the courage in our heart and teaches us that we can face the pain of hard work. Sickness and disaster can kill people without them having any chance against it, an unfair and meaningless challenge, but that challenges us survivors to prepare for such disasters, to learn how to rescue people from disease and fires and storms.

God is deeper than we expect, so that we humans can be just as deep.

Unexpected Purchase

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 03:09:04 GMT

This Christmas vacation has been more surprising than most. The biggest surprise is that we bought a car, a 2007 Kia Optima, to replace our 10-year-old minivan. The rest of the details are more ordinary, except for the great variety in the weather.

Our vacation schedule was determined by riverlark. Instead of heading directly to Arcadia, Michigan, from Valparaiso University, she headed to Milan, Michigan, for a KANAR (Knights and Nobles and Rogues) event. She stayed at the house of a KANAR friend named Scott. Stormy weather cut the KANAR event short, so she spent most of that time at Scott's place playing board games, such as Arkham Horror.

The rest of us were to meet Riverlark at Flint, Michigan on the morning of Tuesday, December 23. We left Savage, Michigan, at 8pm Monday and drove through the night. We rendezvoused with Riverlark at 6:30am at a Hollywood Diner that was not yet open, so we had breakfast with Riverlark at an Elias Brothers Big Boy Restaurant in Birch Run. We did not get to meet Scott, aw.

We spent the rest of that day with my mother in Caseville, Michigan. That was one of the oddities, because in past years we visited my mother after Christmas. But Caseville was not far from Flint.

The next morning, Christmas Eve, we started out toward Arcadia, hoping to outrace the forecasted arrival of rain and snow. xelona and I took the newer minivan and the dogs, and frostmuffin and riverlark took the older minivan, which Riverlark used at college. The older minivan lost its power steering at Midland, so they stopped at a Sears Auto Center for repairs. Xelona and I had lost sight of them back at Bay City, so we did not hear of their stop until they phoned us while we were at Clare, an hour ahead. RIverlark also took advantage of their stop to finish some Christmas shopping. They arrived at Arcadia two hours after us.

The rain had started at Midland for us, the snow started at Clare, and got heavy at Cadillac. We decided to avoid the smaller county roads we usually took and stick to the state routes. Thus, we approached the Danke's house from the direction of Stanton Hill, north of the Herring Lakes. That hill is steep and it had just gotten a coat of fresh, wet snow. I slipped up the hill in second gear and somehow triggered a brake warning light on the dashboard. Thus, after Christmas on December 26 we took that minivan to the local Williams Chrysler Jeep Dodge dealership to get its brake system check. It turns out the rear brake cylinders had been leaking onto the brake pads and ruined them. We had noticed the brakes were weaker than expected. That repair was expensive but took only a day.

However, the dealership was having a year-end sale. We looked at the cars while dropping off the minivan for repairs and took Riverlark with us when we picked it up. Last month, we had finished paying off the car loan on our 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan, the one in for brake repairs. We had planned to save up cash for a year to buy a replacement for our 1998 Dodge Caravan next year, but the 1998 minivan's power steering failure reminded Frostmuffin that it was on its last legs. She decided to advance our plans to buy a more reliable and more economical car, so long as we could get a good sale price. Thus, we traded in the 1998 minivan for a 2007 Kia Optima LX. They wanted $15000, Blue Book price is $11350 (thank you, tempestborne for looking up the value for us after a cell phone call), and we paid $13500.

Back to Christmas. Frostmuffin's sister's family was also visiting for Christmas, so I got to see how much my oldest two nephews have grown. Frostmuffin and Riverlark sang at Trinity Lutheran Church for Christmas Eve worship service: Frostmuffin is a permanent member of that church's choir and knew the Christmas hymns already. Riverlark is following in her mother's footsteps musically.

We arrived at the Danke's house with over a foot of snow on the ground, and more snow fell on Christmas. I got some good exercise digging a path between the house and the bunkhouse where Frostmuffin and I have been sleeping. Yet on Friday and Saturday, it rained and melted the snow down to only four inches. Sunday the snow returned accompanied by high winds. Today has been quiet with the sun peeking through the clouds. Michigan has fast weather changes, but this week is rather extreme.

I gave Frostmuffin the boardgame Pandemic for Christmas, so we have played that, along with the frequent pinochle games her parents play. I got books and socks and an oven mitt for Christmas.

Tuesday we will head down to Grand Rapids, Michigan, to visit Frostmuffin's brother Hans and his family. Next on Wednesday we will visit Renee Alper down in Ohio.

Fourth Edition Dungeons & Dragons

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 01:51:03 GMT

My dwarven paladin Gardain reached 3rd level in 4th Edition Dungeons & Dragons this weekend. And I am retiring him. I start teaching Sunday School next week and I need the time I spend playing D&D to instead prepare my lessons.

I have now played 4th Edition long enough to have a firm opinion of it. The short version is that it has potential but is not yet ready for prime time. The long version is behind the lj cut.

Character Generation
Third Edition D&D had a cobbled-together system of spells for wizards and clerics, feats for fighters and rogues, and skills for bards and rogues to define the characters' abilities. Fourth Edition dumped that and replaced it with a unified system of powers. It is a marvelous and simple system that cuts down on meaningless arithmetic. It allows a player to create a new character in less than an hour.

Leveling up a character takes only a few minutes, most of which consists of erasing some numbers on the character sheet and replacing them with slightly higher numbers without even a die roll. Surprisingly, I find this disappointing. The feeling that I was guiding the development of a character according to his hopes and dreams has been lost. At each level the player chooses a new power from a small list; unfortunately, the list offers little real variety, simply replacing one power with a slightly stronger version. The only real choice offered is when the character gets to choose a feat from a longer list at every even-numbered level.

Another down side for you non-mathematicians out there is that the powers are written in a space-saving jargon rather than in plain English.

So now that D&D has a unified character-class system, it would logically follow that multiclassing would be easier than ever, right? Multiclassing and prestige classes were one of the strengths of Third Edition. Too bad Wizards of the Coast wanted primarily to prevent abuse with 4th Edition multiclass rules. Players can use feats to dabble in other class abilities, but true multiclassing is gone. I tried the Ranger multiclassing feat on Gardain. The result was a paladin with an increased Perception skill and a forgettable version of a Ranger's "Hunter's Quarry" ability. It would have been as useful to have spent the feat to buy increased Perception as a skill directly. That was the maximum Ranger abilities Gardain could gain until 4th level. Supposedly, multiclassing works better after 10th level, if the player spends four of the six feats earned by 10th level on multiclassing, and if the character didn't multiclass to Ranger or Warlock, because the designers forgot to multiclass key abilities there. That is carrying delayed gratification a little too far.

The species in 4th Edition are superbly developed. I avoided the flashy new species of dragonborn, eldarin, or teifling. Gardain was a dwarf, one of the most boring mythological species, known for being short, stubborn, and tough. Gardain's racial abilities to carry heavy loads and heal himself easily during combat felt balanced, served a use in the party, and gave the character an excellent feel of dwarven sturdiness. His personality developed a strong pride in his toughness: "My beard may be burning, but I hit that evil cleric!"

Combat
While 4th Edition greatly simplified the character system, it retained the full complexity of the 3.5 combat system. In fact, it added to the complexity with extra combat-related conditions such as "marked". The Player's Handbook's chapter on combat is well written and makes a good effort to explain all the details clearly. For example, page 277 has a nice list of what it means for a character to be Blinded, Dazed, Deafened, Dominated, Dying, Helpless, Immobilized, Marked, Petrified, Prone, Restrained, Slowed, Stunned, Surprised, Unconscious, or Weakened. That list illustrates the enormous quantity of detail in 4th Edition combat. The amount of arithmetic in 3rd Edition combat was a running joke that 4th Edition does nothing to change.

The grid system was introduced in D&D 3.5, so I cannot blame it on 4.0. However, the 4th Edition campaign at The Family Game Store was the first time I played a significant amount of combat on a grid map. The grid fails. Under 3.0 rules, a party could move in formation with a front line of tough fighters and paladins, a center of vulnerable wizards and sorcerers, and a rear guard of combat-ready clerics and rangers. Combining a grid with D&D's turn-based combat system rips the formation apart. Our 4th Edition party's elvish cleric had a high Initiative due to his elvish Dexterity, so he often moved first. He would step forward six squares, past the front line. The monsters sometimes got to move next, so they would surround and hit the exposed cleric. When our fighters and paladins, who put their good stats into Strength rather than Dexterity, finally moved, they could not reform a protective line around the cleric because of the crowd of monsters. Our eldarin wizard also had a high Initiative, but given the cleric's example she would timidly lag behind in the back rather than step forward. She found few opportunities to use her Burning Hands spell.

Non-Adventure Roleplaying
Fourth Edition has powers for combat and skills for obstacles, and that is all. The character's non-adventure abilities are completely blank, unless they can be forced into the skill system. Can a ranger hunt for food? Yes, that would be a Nature skill. Can he clean and cook the catch afterwards? Um, that's not Nature, maybe it is Dungeoneering? The players will simply have to roleplay any attempt at everyday realism without formal rules. That is fine for the fun stuff, but the DM will have to rack his or her brains whenever the informal part could affect the formal part.

Conclusion
I find the increased simplicity of the character system and the increased complexity of the combat system an inexplicable contrast. Wizards of the Coast does not have their goals in order yet, except for the capitalistic goal of selling handbooks. Out of curiosity, I might buy whichever book that will add Bard and Druid classes back into the system. But for everything else, I am going to hold off to 4.5 Edition.

June Travels, extending into July

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 02:30:11 GMT

I am in Freeville, NY. Visiting friends (amethyst_dancer, her husband John, and bythecards) in Freeville for the Fourth of July is typical. The unusual thing is that we had been here just a month ago, for John's birthday party. The birthday celebration was at Paddy's Pub in Cortland, with music by Irish singer Marty Brandon (http://www.irishmarty.com). The six hours of that party was the longest I have every been in a bar.

When we returned home, frostmuffin, riverlark, and tempestborne went hiking up the C&O canal trail up the Potomac River. They were carrying everything on their backs, but the rugged independence image was marred by them occasionally phoning xelona to drive over on an errand for them.

Next on June 17, frostmuffin, riverlark, and xelona flew to Seattle, Washington. The main excuse for the trip is that riverlark is considering some universities in that area for graduate school (after another year at Valparaiso University), but they also wanted to meet some online friends from the solluna_city community. They also visited friends and schools in Oregon, and toured the mountains and rain forests of Washington. They flew back June 27. Originally, they had intended the trip to Seattle as a cross-country camping trip, but those plans had to get simplified.

The girls and I drove up to Freeville on Thursday, July 3. frostmuffin had left early to help tempestborne with some remodeling beforehand. She and tempestborne reached Freeville only an hour behind us. We didn't do anything especially patriotic for Independence Day, unless good American traditions such as picking strawberries count.

I have been filling gaps in my time by reading up on Cascading Style Sheets. Our church has a web site, http://www.peacealive.org/, but has no-one to maintain it. It hasn't been updated since Easter, and Easter was early this year. xelona is probably the only member of the church with the skill to maintain it, but she is moving on as soon as she finds an internship. I am the second most qualified, and I am accustomed to volunteering. I just need for xelona to teach me about XHTML and CSS.

A Drive and a Haircut

Fri, 16 May 2008 12:46:58 GMT

This week frostmuffin and I had to pick up our daughters from Valparaiso University in Indiana. Since we were driving all the way from Maryland to the Midwest, we decided to make a vacation out of it. Right now we are at Frostmuffin's parents in Arcadia, Michigan, and today we are driving down to see my mother in Caseville, Michigan.

On Saturday, May 11, riverlark picked up xelona from her Urban Studies program in Chicago. Xelona slept on Riverlark's couch for the next three nights. Monday night, we parents and the two dogs showed up, took the girls and Riverlark's roommate (I think her LJ is evilnel) out to dinner, and stayed in a motel ourselves. On Tuesday we packed up, had some runaround checking Riverlark out of her campus-owned apartment because the Resident Assistant was out, and drove up in two minivans to Arcadia.

In Arcadia we have been hunting for morel mushrooms, playing Frisbee golf, cooking meals, watching the History channel on TV, and playing Pinochle. I have been skipping the Pinochle games because I keep an earlier bedtime than everyone else. Our younger dog, Kerowyn, is having a ball here on the homestead where she can run all out without a lease. Our older dog, Miko, who is mostly blind, knows the area well enough that she can safely wander around on her own, too.

Also, I finally had time to stop in a local barber shop and get my half-bald mop of hair trimmed short.

Today, we are heading down to see my mother. Then Saturday morning, Riverlark, the dogs, and I are heading back to Maryland, while Frostmuffin and Xelona are making a side trip to see tempestborne on Long Island.

Riverlark is planning another trip for this summer. She, her mother, and her sister will pick up her roommate in Kansas, and go tent camping. As is typical for our vacations, they will be visiting friends and relatives on the way: Colorado Springs, Colorado; Placerville, California; and Seattle, Washington. They also plan on seeing Yellowstone National Park. I will be staying home to watch the dogs and earn the money. This camping is in addition to the hike up the C&O trail along the Potomac River that Frostmuffin plans for this June.

Games in Sunday School

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 00:55:25 GMT

I have been teaching the Sunday School class for Third Grade through Fifth Grade since January, when the prior teacher stepped down to spend time on other church work. For three Sundays in a row, my Sunday School lessons have involved games. Before Easter, I mostly used crafts, making marshmallow caterpillars, origami butterflies, and paper palm leaves. The games seem to work better with the boys in my class.

The Gospel lesson for March 30 was John 20:19-29, the story of doubting Thomas. A bunch of Jesus's disciples saw Jesus after he came back from the dead. They told Thomas, who did not believe them and demanded evidence. A few days later Jesus showed up again and Thomas got to see Jesus for himself. It is an iconic story about believing in Jesus.

I invented a doubting game for the lesson, based on the Prisoner's Dilemma. I cobbled together playing pieces from some tokens and an ordinary deck of cards. Lying is a viable strategy in the game, so that the players would have reason to doubt. Being trusting and trustworthy is a better strategy.

I playtested it Saturday night after the Saturday worship service. One of the playesters, Diane, teaches the youth group, so she asked for a copy of the rules for herself.

My Sunday School students were amused by a game in which they were allowed to lie, but I don't know how much of the Bible lesson sunk in. One of the teenagers in the youth group had the opposite reaction. She disliked that the rules rewarded effective liars.

That does raise an interesting moral question: should I try for only morally good strategies in inventing my games for Sunday School, or should I allow unsaintly strategies that match unscrupulous tactics found in reality? I don't know the answer.

The Gospel lesson for April 6 was Luke 24:13-35, the story of Jesus on the road to Emmaus. Two of Jesus's follower walking to the town of Emmaus tell an unrecognized stranger that Jesus has been recently crucified. The stranger, who is Jesus, explains to them the prophecies of about Jesus's resurrection. The two travelers recognize Jesus right before he leaves them.

I had noticed a strong interest in Pokémon among my students. Some of them would play Pokémon games on their Nintendo DS devices before class. Others of them brought their Pokémon cards along. I figured that at some point I would do a Pokémon-themed lesson, and this seemed like a good time. I would do an analogy comparing the savior Jesus wandering to talk face to face to many people after his resurrection, adding in references in Acts and First Corinthians, and the young Pokémon trainer Ash wandering to catch many different Pokémon creatures.

I brought my collection of Pokémon cards to class. By coincidence the one girl in my class switched places with her younger brother so that my class was all boys and the younger class was all girls. We talked Pokémon and each student got a handful of common and uncommon cards from my collection. I had to repeatedly tell them that I was not trading away Mew or Mewtwo because these were my daughters' cards. I also gave away a homemade Pokémon card featuring Jesus.

As a Bible lesson, it failed. The Pokémon distracted the boys too much. As a means of keeping the boys from acting too wild and noisy, it worked wonderfully.

The boys play Pokémon on their handheld devices, and collect the Pokémon cards, but they don't play the Pokemon card game. I find that bewildering, because the Pokémon card game is a very good game.

The Gospel lesson for April 13 was John 10:1-15, Jesus describing himself as the Good Shepherd. This was Sheep Sunday: every Spring after Easter we have one Sunday with a sheep theme.

We played the boardgame Shear Panic. I had already used the game components last year for a lost sheep game--it has cute ceramic sheep--but this time I could stick close to the written rules. I said that Roger Ram, who all the sheep wanted to get close to, represented the Good Shepherd, and the Shearer, who all the sheep wanted to avoid, represented the Thief, and I skipped all the parts that did not involve either of those.

The game worked with the Bible reading. I did misjudge the time factor, though. We could play only two rounds of the game after the lesson and the explanation.

Next week's lesson is the stoning of Stephen, from Acts 7. One of the leaders of the early Christian community was tried on the charge of blasphemy before the Jewish authorities, some of the same people who had condemned Jesus to death. Stephen responded with a history lesson and concluded, "You stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts and ears! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spirit! Was there ever a prophet your fathers did not persecute?" He was executed by stoning.

frostmuffin says that I cannot make fake foam rocks and stone one of my students. It would encourage those boys too much. So I need another idea.

In other news, since I have not updated this livejournal since 2007, my arthritic knee is doing much better and I no longer need a cane. I lost 30 pounds on my diet last year, but discontinued it because of signs of my fatigue illness creeping back. This year I have been exercising in preparation for combining a less extreme diet with exercise. frostmuffin has been on her own exercise routine in preparation for a summer hike along the C&O canal.

Bridgewalk

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 00:20:54 GMT

Today Amy frostmuffin walked across the Mackinac Bridge. Accompanying her on the five-mile walk were her mother Pat, her brother Doug, her brother Hans, and her nephew Jeremy. Amy's father Gordon and I accompanied them to Mackinac City, but did not walk the bridge. Starting the walk took much longer than expected because many more people showed up for the bridgewalk than the 15,000 expected.

4:00 am - Woke up, got ready, and fed the dogs.
4:30 am - Crowded into Gordon's minivan and drove through Traverse City, Charlevoix, Petoskey, and Pellston to reach Mackinac City. We stopped at a Wal-Greens in Petoskey to buy batteries for Doug's camera and beef jerky for Amy.
8:00 am - Arrived at the Interstate 75 exit for Mackinac City. The traffic was backed up onto I-75 itself.
8:30 am - Parked. Our plan was that the five walkers would take the school-bus shuttles across the bridge to St. Ignace and walk back to Mackinac City (walking was north to south only). It took 15 minutes to find the end of the mile-long line of people waiting for the shuttle busses. We also determined that our cell phones could not connect to the local service. We suspect it was overloaded.
9:30 am - Gave up waiting in line and decided that we would drive to St. Ignace ourselves, drop the walkers off, and return to Mackinac City. After the walk, we would find each at a gazebo we had selected as a rendezvous point. The bridgewalk takes about 2 hours, so the people who had started at 7am were back in town and on the roads. Traffic out of town was standstill. We took the long way out of town on farm roads.
10:30 am - Reached northbound I-75 again. The walk originally had two lanes of the four-lane bridge, but by now they had opened up three lanes to traffic. And the single northbound lane was right next to the walkers, so everyone drove slowly.
11:30 am - We reached the tollbooth and rest area at St. Ignace and dropped off the walkers. Gordon had skipped breakfast, so we ate at a McDonalds in St. Ignace.
12:30 pm - Parked in Mackinac City again. Amy's cell phone had service again, but we could not connect to the others. I suppose the middle of a suspension bridge is not a good reception area. I bought fudge for the others.
1:00 pm - At the gazebo, we got through to Hans's phone.
1:30 pm - Rendezvoused with the bridgewalkers one block north of the gazebo by reciting landmarks over the phone. I lent Amy my cane. We did a little souvenir shopping. Traffic out of town was still standstill.
2:30 pm - Finally left Mackinac City, by Old U.S. 31 rather than I-75. For future bridgewalks, we should take Old 31 into town. Amy rested her legs on me in the minivan and I rubbed her feet.
3:30 pm - Lunch at the Mancino's Pizza and Grinders at Petoskey.
6:45 pm - Back home in Arcadia.

On Vacation

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 09:10:45 GMT

I am on my summer vacation in Arcadia, Michigan. Amy and I are visiting her parents out on their tree farm. I hadn't taken a summer vacation for a few years between my illnesses and catching up on work. But this year, I had to be in Indiana August 25 and Michigan September 3. It was a choice between 32 hours on the road driving back to Maryland and back to Michigan or taking a vacation. So I took a vacation.

When I last posted on June 10 Amy frostmuffin and Sharayah were spending a week in Ohio, and Fiona was staying with me in Maryland. Later on June 28 Fiona went to her summer job as tech assistant in children's theater in Valparaiso, Indiana. She jogged up to Michigan on the way to Indiana, dropping Amy off with her parents in Arcadia, Michigan. They both returned on August 10.

Amy next actually spent a weekend at home, but on August 18 we all and Megami too went to visit Cync amethyst_dancer and John in New York for a weekend of D&D.

Sharayah and Fiona had to be back to school on Saturday August 25. We got a late start because I had a meeting at work on Friday, so could not take Friday off. So we traveled only as far as Cranberry, Pennsylvania, (north of Pittsburgh) on Friday, Fiona and me driving in the older minivan and Amy, Sharayah, and the dogs driving in the not-quite-so-old minivan. Valparaiso on Saturday was the usual labor of carrying boxes up flights of stairs.

Sharayah and Fiona are rooming together this year, unlike the previous two years that they both have attended Valparaiso University. This is the first time they have shared a room long-term since Fiona moved out of their shared bedroom about ten years ago into a corner of our library room.

Amy and I spent Saturday night with the family of her brother Hans in Portage, Michigan. Some intense thunderstorms had passed through the area in the last week. Portage had electrical power again, but part of Kalamazoo was still blacked out. When we continued northward on Sunday, we had three more passengers: our niece and nephews Jeremy, Catherine, and Jonathan. They are spending a week at Grandma and Grandpa Danke's place too. Our own children had long become accustomed to 15-hour drives between Maryland and Michigan; I forgot how restless children in the eight to twelve age get on a mere three and a half hour drive. We stopped for ice cream in Cadillac.

Monday Amy and I headed over to visit my mother on Sand Point on the thumb of Michigan. Without the dogs, because my mother is allergic. We even went swimming. We returned to Arcadia in time to watch the niece and nephews while Amy's parents headed off to the airport to pick up Amy's brother Doug. The Danke's house is now crowded with eight people, which is why Amy and I are sleeping out in the bunkhouse.

Amy's mother regularly takes part in the walk across the Mackinac Bridge on Labor Day. This year is the fiftieth anniversary of the building of the bridge, so Amy, Doug, and maybe some of the kids are walking too. Amy has been practicing for the five-mile walk. I will skip it, because I am not sure whether my arthritic knee could hold out, and because I have not been practicing for a five-mile walk.

Saturday without Amy

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 04:56:17 GMT

Amy (frostmuffin) and Sharayah are off in Ohio for over a week visiting Renee Alper. Last summer Amy stayed in Maryland due to a class, and vacationed in Michigan for a little while in the fall, but she discovered that that short of a vacation left her tired. This year she is making the most of her summer vacation.

Ironically, Amy had visited Renee only two weeks ago. But that was a working visit to help out when Renee did not have enough trained handicap assistants to cover all her hours. Amy had to spend her spare time resting up, so she did not have time to relax with Renee. This visit is meant to have the fun she couldn't have then.

Fiona stayed in Maryland with me.

Amy does not think that she will be able to access her e-mail from there, but she should be able to read this livejournal. So I am going to fill this with mundane trivia that only Amy would like. Sorry to bore the rest of you. I guess I should use a lj cut.

As usual Saturday morning I washed dishes and baked cookies for church. I decided to give the extras not to the Saturday D&D group but to Amtgard (a medieval fantasy LARP group, for those of you unfamiliar with our old habits). Fiona was going to Amtgard, Barony of the Solstice, with Andrew Hinman. So I send a quarter of the cookies with her.

Fiona recounted afterwards that some of all the old members, such as Jackal, recognized her immediately, but a few members, such as Celwyn, did not. The chocolate chip cookies, "a gift from Sweettooth" (my Amtgard persona), did jog the memories of everyone pretty quickly. Fiona surprised the new members of the barony with her combat prowess. When she mentioned that, I had first thought that they were surprised that a person who played a healer fought well. Fiona corrected me: few of the current women members spend much time on combat, so they were surprised that a girl fought well.

I washed laundry while Fiona was away. And I cut another hole in my belt so that I could tighten it another inch. Fiona asked why I didn't simply buy a smaller belt. Mostly because I like marking my progress on my diet by tightening my belt. Also, I will fit one of my old small belts in only two more inches (the belt in between wore out). I will have enough shopping to do soon when I have to buy new pants.

Church had some girls scouts returning from some trip: they had borrowed our parking lot and taken a bus. The attendance at Saturday evening worship was only 15 people, counting the pastor and the organist. Pastor Jamie had been confirmed as our interim pastor in last week's vote. She preached informally from the steps of the chancel instead of the lectern, being scholarly on the context of Jesus raising the widow's son from the dead.

Fiona and I ate at Noodle Corner after church. Without Amy's restricted diet, we have a greater selection of restaurants. Except we are both cheap. We stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up another watermelon to crowd the refrigerator again.

Love and kisses to Amy.

New Office

Tue, 15 May 2007 01:24:40 GMT

Today I started in a new office. I still work for the same old government agency, but now a different part of it.

I transferred offices partly because after nine and a half years in one office, it was time for a change. And now that I have recovered my strength, I can handle the change. I hope to get back into more mathematics.

I transferred also because of a depressing event. Eight months ago, my bosses tried to fire me. Okay, I exaggerate a little. My team chief and branch chief had dropped a six-week evaluation program on me. If I had failed, I would have automatically been fired. For a year after I succeeded, I still can be fired if I was unproductive at any time (for as little as a single day, the representative from the personnel department said). My branch chief said he was forced to start the evaluation. Really, what forced him was his own carelessness. He did not check what all his options were, and he overreacted when I slowed down due to the July heat wave.

I didn't post anything to this livejournal at the time, because my management started this the Monday I returned from dropping xelona and riverlark off at college. I didn't want to post news that would distract them from their new classes.

I don't believe in karma, but sometimes God's sense of humor has a similar effect. The timing was awful--for my management. The heat wave had ended and I was back to full speed. I finished the six-week goals in four weeks. My performance since then has been unfailingly good, and my bosses admitted it. Due to my bad ratings on record, it took me a while to find another office that would take me, and then because my old office was in a desperate crush I stayed a little longer to finish up my current project. I have eight months of productivity to prove to my former bosses that they alienated a worker that it will hurt to lose. My former branch chief will probably lie to himself that nothing was his fault, but my former team chief is smart and honest enough to realize that he messed up.

My new office calls itself "the lab" and my new coworkers left a squeaky-toy rat, "the lab rat", on my desk as a welcoming gesture. I have known one of them for a few years, because he and I are in a group of lunchtime Magic The Gathering players. So I think I will fit in.

My fatigue illness has been in remission of fourteen months, making this the second longest period of remission so far. I have built up my stamina to pre-fatigue levels. My newer problem, the osteoarthritis in my left knee, is under control. I still walk with a cane, but that is now only a precaution to avoid straining my knee. I could walk without it, and I do so whenever I need two hands to carry something. I am losing five pounds a month on my diet, so I should down to a safe weight in a year.

Erin Schram

As Lame as my Jokes

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 20:57:45 GMT

I have developed osteoarthritis in my left knee. Now I walk with a cane.

It developed very gradually. I think the first sign was two years ago, when my knee started clicking when I walked. It was such a faint click that only I could hear the sound, conducted along my bones to my ear. Then this last summer, other people could here it.

This October, my knee ached like I had twisted it. I did not recall having twisted it, but I walked carefully to avoid straining it and most of the ache healed up in a week. Then it happened again. I talked to my physician in my regular December appointment, and he suspected arthritis. So he recommended that I take glucosamine supplements.

Amy offered me her Joint Support pills, but my throat gags when I try to swallow pills that large, so instead she purchase a liquid glucosamine and chondroitin sulfate supplement. The glucosamine helped my knee heal up faster, but it did not reduce the rate at which it hurt anew.

On Monday, March 5, the walk to and from the parking lot at work hurt my leg much more than before. It was a longer walk that usual, because my daughters were home from college and I was driving their minivan to work instead of Amy dropping me off. The walk from the drop-off to my desk is 8 minutes; the walk from the parking lot to my desk is 14 minutes.

The next day, I walked with my hiking staff to reduce the strain on my left knee as I walked. And the day after that, I asked Amy to switch back to dropping me off. I could use my calf muscles to hold my knee so that it did not get hurt any more as I walked, but doing so for a long walk overstrained those muscles so much that they cramped up.

On Tuesday, March 13, I had my regular March appointment with my physician, and he referred me to an orthopedic specialist. The earliest appointment I could get with an orthopedist was a week later. Fortunately, we had scheduled a vacation that Thursday and Friday to visit Cync and John Brantley. On that vacation, I stayed off my feet and my knee got a lot better.

The orthopedist took X-rays and declared that the cartilage at the end of my leg bones was wearing away. Since the cartilage is invisible in an X-ray, I treat his diagnosis with a little skepticism. The pain in my knee feels more like trouble in the meniscus cartilage that forms a support around the joint.

The doctor was against any surgical correction, because I weight 350 pounds and my knee would be under too much stress to heal well. He prescribed physical therapy and instructed me to lose 70 pounds of weight. I have a phobia against surgery so I was perfectly agreeable about physical therapy instead of surgery.

The day of my orthopedist appointment, my knee became significantly worse. I blame the double amount of walking due to walking out for that mid-day appointment. By Thurday evening, my legs were so bad that the 8-minute walk to the pick-up point took 40 minutes.

My first physical therapist appointment was Friday morning. The therapist mostly examined my leg to create a therapy plan. She did massage out some of the old cramp pain. She told me that tensing up the muscles as I walked was not necessary to protect the knee and only led to pulled muscles, so I should stop doing it. And she taught me how to walk properly with a cane. Amy and I bought a cane after that appointment.

Now it is Sunday, so I have had a day and a half off my feet, and the ache in my left knee has died down. I still have a lot of tension in my left calf. Back when I had muscle cramps from my fatigue illness, I learned how to unknot a charlie-horse cramp, but a pulled muscle is a different sort of cramp and all I know to do is let it rest.

I have three more physical therapy appointments next week, all in the late afternoon because I do not want to walk back to my desk after therapy. I dare not lose my excess weight by diet alone, because I strongly suspect that if my metabolism slows, my fatigue illness will slip out of remission again. So I need to lose the weight by exercise. But what is a good exercise for burning calories and keeping my metabolism going that does not strain my knee? The orthopedist recommended swimming and bicycling.

Taking On, Part 2

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 01:02:37 GMT

It took me two weeks to write up the second piece of this episode, which is a disappointingly slow rate. We finished playing the entire episode, and it will take about six pieces to post.

Pilot Episode, Taking On, Part 2

Mei Yi went to the galley for ice and checked her bruises in a mirror. Her comm chimed again.

Wen Li: My brother is most upset with you.
Mei Yi: He told me.
Wen Li: Managing the violent side is hard on him. He prefers more elegant pursuits. The tong waits for a new manager so he can return to those pursuits. When are you coming back, Mei Yi?
Mei Yi: My brother was the one trained for that duty. Have you found him yet?
Wen Li: Mei Yi, Mei Yi, The child in the house must do her duty. You should smooth things with Kai Fa.
Mei Yi: He does not want smooth.
Wen Li: The family needs peace.
Mei Yi: And the price of peace?
Wen Li: The family bears the shame of failure. I hope you can correct it. You must find Richard Swift.
Mei Yi: And when I find him?
Wen Li: You simply call us. We will send a team to handle him. Or, if you prefer, you can take care of Swift yourself. We will show our appreciation.
Mei Yi: What of Carson? He is the major challenge.
Wen Li: Carson Wu is a separate matter. But you could take care of him too. We have offered a 1000 credit premium for eliminating him.
Mei Yi: A thousand credits gains my attention. Send me the information you have on the man.
Wen Li: And on Swift?
Mei Yi: That too. How did Swift earn our wrath?
Wen Li: You have not met Swift, have you? I will send you what you need to identify him. Will you lift soon?
Mei Yi: Once I know where to go.
Wen Li: Their ship headed in the direction of Whitefall.
Mei Yi: That is not a short hop. I will have to take on cargo to pay my expenses.
Wen Li: Playing a merchant is wise. You do not want to draw attention.
Mei Yi: One thing I do request. Carson's Falcon is fast, my Golden Lotus is not. I will require a better pilot than me.
Wen Li: We have a pilot on hand, a worn-out man not good for much else. We will send him to you.
Mei Yi: He will do. Sheh Sheh, uncle.
Wen Yi: Yi Lu Shwen Fohn.

Mei Yi calls the remote link to the ship's comm.

Ecclesiastes: Hello.
Mei Yi: Time to cut your scavenging trip short. We have an assignment to reach Whitefall as soon as possible.
Ecclesiastes: With the current alignment, a fast trip to Whitefall is eight days.
Mei Yi: Buy some food on your way in. You have time for that, because I need to find a cargo. Buy enough for three: we are taking on a pilot.
Ecclesiastes: Fast trip with a pilot? This must be from your investors.
Mei Yi: Yes. I tried a little socializing while you were out, and things got complicated. I was foolish to play around without the good luck you bring.
Ecclesiastes: I'll hurry.

Mei Yi calls Jamal Brown, a arms dealer of her acquaintance.

Mei Yi: Hello, Jamal. My investors are sending me to Whitefall with empty cargo space. I would love if you could fill that space with something profitable.
Jamal: A cargo for plain sight, then? Or do you want some extra to hide away?
Mei Yi: I had best look squeaky-clean for this.
Jamal: I do have one speculation load ought to fit your bill. A bloke cleaned up a heap of old shotguns, reckoning to sell them on the Rim. Good as new.
Mei Yi: How many?
Jamal: Two thousand shotguns. The bloke bundled them with a hundred buckshot shells for each gun, too. And a box of cleaning kits.
Mei Yi: Jamal, I'm going to Whitefall, a small moon. It might not have two thousand people on it.
Jamal: You know those transport captains: they see a good small load, and they grab it and tuck it in between their crates. You want a small cargo, you take pot luck and pray for profit. It's the medium loads where the money is. Those shotguns fit right well into two conexes, just like your ship can carry.
Mei Yi: What's the price?
Jamal: A hundred thousand platinum for all the guns, and ten thousand more for the ammo.
Mei Yi: That's forty-four thousand credits!
Jamal: For you, Mei-mei, I'll let you take the load on consignment. Just sign a letter against your inheritance to cover unforeseen problems, and we have a deal. You keep ten percent of the price in profit: that's eleven thousand plat!
Mei Yi: We have a deal. Can you deliver, ASAP?
Jamal: How about tonight?
Mei Yi: I can't wait that long. May I land Golden Lotus at your place and pick up directly?
Jamal: Saves me the cost of delivery, Mei-mei. You are good for business.
Mei Yi: Pleasure dealing with a fine businessman. I'll call you when I am ready to lift.

Mei Yi opened the files that Uncle Wen Li sent her. The images of two men appeared on the screen. One was Carson, the other was unfamiliar.

Mei Yi: Carson Wu and Richard Swift. Let's see what secrets Carson holds. (At Mei Yi's keystroke the image changed to a military record for Carson.) Fought for the Independents. So you did earn that brown coat you wear. (The screen magnified some text.) Enlisted young. Family presumed dead on Shadow when the Alliance burned that planet. My sympathies for your loss, Carson. You lost your family even younger than I did. (Flicked to the next file.) Bounty-hunter license, S-class rating. Most impressive. Issued two years ago: you've survived that long in a dangerous game. (Next file was a list.) Ah, the bounties you brought in. If only I had followed the news. No catches recently. Are you short on money, Carson? Is that why you took this little bodyguard job? Or are you just tired of hunting down men?

Mei Yi straightened up.

Mei Yi: Carson Thomas Wu. You are very dangerous to hunt for my uncles. But if I capture you for myself? A risky hunt as well, but one with great potential reward. Whatever am I to do with you? Perhaps I should let you answer for yourself.

Mei Yi pulled out the slip with Carson's comm number on it. She fussed with her hair a moment, checked her clothes, and adjusted the lens over the video screen.

Mei Yi: Record. (She smiled.) Gohn Shi, Carson. You are most skilled to have succeeded in your task. It must have been a sight to see. I am grateful for your kindness considering me. It was ... unexpected given my behavior. I apologize for my rudeness. Persephone is a difficult place for me. My loyalties become much more ... complex. Perhaps we could have that dinner I spoke of one day on some planet besides Persephone. My deepest respect, Mei Yi. (She pressed a button.) Send.

She called up the picture of Richard Swift.

Mei Yi: Now to work on Swift and to figure out just what he did.

The proximity alarm went off. Mei Yi closed the records and called up an outside image. An old man hauling a wheeled spacer's chest by its retractable handle was standing beside the ship. He thumbed the outside intercom.

George: I heard you were looking for a pilot.

Mei Yi was surprised that the man her uncle sent was of European stock. He even dressed in a formal black suit. She opened the airlock to talk to him face to face.

Mei Yi: Yes. I am the captain of Golden Lotus. Call me Mei-mei.
George: I am George Lovas, Captain Mei-mei. I have my credentials here: registered pilot for medium and light spacecraft.
Mei Yi: Bring them up.

George bumped his wheeled luggage up the folding stairs to the bridge airlock. A violin case was strapped atop the chest. He handed Mei Yi his papers. Mei Yi eyed the case, then examined the papers.

Mei Yi: We will lift as soon as my engineer gets back. First on the agenda is a trip to Jamal Brown's warehouse for cargo, and then we lift for Whitefall.
George: So I am hired?
Mei Yi: Of course.
George: About my fee?
Mei Yi: How about 25 credits, room, and board for the journey to Whitefall? If you do well, maybe a bonus or we can extend the position. Given the size of the cargo, I may make runs to several moons, and might need a permanent pilot.
George: Trial rates until I prove myself? I can live with that. A local run to start with is good. I need to familiarize myself with the controls.
Mei Yi: Let me show you a cabin for your gear.

Later, Ecclesiastes arrived, and noticed the pilot at the bridge.

Ecclesiastes: Uh, hello.
Mei Yi: George Lovas, this is our engineer.
George: Glad to meet you, young man.
Ecclesiastes: Ecclesiastes. Zee. Glad to meet you too. Excuse me. I have to stow this food.

Ecclesiastes headed up to the galley. Mei Yi followed him off the bridge.

Ecclesiastes: What's going on?! You have a bruise on the side of your face!
Mei Yi: Remember that Raptor-class ship that landed before you left?
Ecclesiastes: Yes.
Mei Yi: I went over to meet its captain, Carson Thomas Wu, a most fascinating man. Young, masculine, owns his own ship, fights well too.
Ecclesiastes: You fought him?
Mei Yi: He was opposed to the Water Dragon Associates. He spirited away a man that they were after. So our investors are sending me after them to track them.
Ecclesiastes: That's all? (He gave her a knowing look.)
Mei Yi: They sent us a pilot, too. We have to keep up with that Raptor.
Ecclesiastes: Mei-mei, that ain't going to happen. The Raptor-class cruises faster than us at hard burn.
Mei Yi: I was hoping that if they sent a pilot, they would pay for him. They didn't. Mostly I wanted time to think instead of having to fly this ship. Dealing with our investors is complicated, and Carson and Swift are mysteries.

George Lovas hollered up from the bridge.

George: A message has arrived from a Mr. Wu for the captain.

Mei Yi: I don't want to receive that in front of the pilot. He might be a little insurance from our investors.
Ecclesiastes: Insurance?
Mei Yi: The man carried a violin case. The Water Dragon deals with guns, not violins. He might not be just a pilot, no matter what they said.
Ecclesiastes: You can take the call in my room on the source box.
Mei Yi: Will you make sure that he doesn't listen in?
Ecclesiastes: Sure, I'll ask him some questions.

Mei Yi headed down to Ecclesiastes' cabin and cleared away some stuffed toys to take the call on the source box.

Carson: (recorded message): Xiao shao jeh, my apologies for leaving you without saying good-bye. I left you in friendly hands, that was all I could do in the rush of the moment. I would like to have that dinner with you, when not entangled by complex loyalties. Perhaps we will see each other again, somewhere in the 'Verse. Wu out.
Mei Yi: Save message to permanent file. Now, let's check the message header and find out where he sent it from.

Mei Yi fiddled with the source box, nodded in satisfaction, and departed Ecclesiastes' cabin. She headed to the bridge.

Mei Yi: Time to pick up our cargo.

With Mei Yi's guidance, George lifted the ship and started off at cruising altitude. As they departed the area of the Eavesdown docks, the view dipped down to show a bleary-eyed Chinese man walking into the docks checking a map.

Golden Lotus flew to Jamal Brown's warehouse. Jamal had two conexes, full-size cargo containers marked with the ubiquitous Blue Sun logo, laying out ready for aerial pickup. Mei Yi headed out to talk with Jamal, and then called George via her remote comm to load the conexes.

On the bridge, Ecclesiastes was pointing out some switches and cameras to George.
Ecclesiastes: These haul the conexes up into the cargo bays.
George: So you don't have a cargo hold?
Ecclesiastes: No, this ship is a retrofit from a missile boat. We don't do things the easy way. We haul up cargo containers into the former missile bays.
George: While hovering.
Ecclesiastes: No, the cranes can't reach down that far. You have to land on top of them. Mei-mei hates that.
George: Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Golden Lotus lifted into the air and then slid over above the paired conexes. Then it slowly and carefully descended down.

Mei Yi (wincing): Jamal, are both conexes exactly the right distance apart?
Jamal: Don't worry. At least this pilot takes both at once, instead of one at a time like you.

The cargo bay hatches on Golden Lotus opened up and the ship descended onto the conexes. The roar of the thrusters died down and was replaced by the quiet whine of unseen cranes lifting the conexes into the cargo bays. The cargo bay hatches closed.

Jamal: See, no trouble.
Mei Yi: Sheh sheh. I hope we have no trouble selling these shotguns, either.

Mei Yi returned to Golden Lotus. The ship lifted again, but instead of cruising as it did before, its rear primary thruster fired and the ship accelerated and soared high.

Ecclesiastes walked off the bridge to see to the engines for the hard burn.
Soon Golden Lotus cruised in the black of space, and then its rear thruster burst into the bright shining lights of a hard burn, kicking them into interplanetary speed.

Mei Yi was sitting at the comm seat when a message chimed in.

Mei Yi: It's from our investors. I'd best take this one silent.

Mei Yi put on some headphones. Uncle Wen Li's face could be seen speaking, but no sound was heard. He was upset.

The call ended. Mei Yi put down the headphones with grim determination on her face. She stood up, stepped to George, and pressed her derringer to his temple.

Mei Yi: Who are you?! And who do you work for?

Commercial break

Serenity Roleplaying Game

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 23:36:16 GMT

Frostmuffin gave Tempestborne the Serenity Roleplaying Game, based on the Firefly TV show and the Serenity movie. And once Tempestborne read up on the system, Frostmuffin, Riverlark, and I made characters for the game.

Tempestborne lives in another city and Riverlark is usually off at college, so we are filling in parts of the adventure via correspondence. My seldom-used livejournal seems good location to display the results, after I rewrite it into one smooth piece.

The Serenity system has an emphasis on making the adventures seem like episodes of a Firefly spinoff series. So I think the adventures will re-tell fairly well. Now, on with the story.

Pilot Episode, Taking On, Part 1

Mei Yi and Ecclesiastes stood outside Mei Yi's small-transport spaceship in the Eavesdown docks on planet Persephone. Mei Yi was a small woman of Chinese ancestry who dresses in accordance to her Chinese heritage. She would seem tiny to most people, for they would assume she was an adult rather than the teenager she was. Her engineer Ecclesiastes was more easily recognizable as being young, do to his lankiness and girlish prettiness.

A commotion nearby caught their eye as dock personnel clear a landing spot for a new ship, Raptor class, coming down on a thin spire of reaction-drive flame.

Ecclesiastes: Sweet ship.
Mei Yi: It's pig ugly, little brother.
Ecclesiastes: Raptor-class gunships don't stop flying, they just get patched up. That one has seen a heap of patching.
Mei Yi: Alliance gunship?
Ecclesiastes: The Alliance stopped making the Raptor-class long before the war against the Browncoats. No, whoever maintains that ship scavenges from the scrapyards, like I do.
Mei Yi: Are you going to the scrapyards today?
Ecclesiastes: I have time, don't I, Mei-mei?
Mei Yi: I am still asking around for new cargo. You have time. Get shopping.

Ecclesiastes headed off. Mei Yi watched the captain of the new ship come out and pay his port fees. He was a rugged auburn-haired man with bronze skin and slanted eyes. He wears a long brown duster that mostly conceals his body armor and weapons. Mei Yi wanders over.

Mei Yi: Hello neighbor. I'm Xiao Mei Yi, captain of Golden Lotus.
Carson: Carson, of Falcon, shao jeh.
Mei Yi: I have not seen you in the Eavesdown Docks before, yes? Persephone is my home.
Carson: I've been here before on business.
Mei Yi: Perhaps you could take time to enjoy yourself. I could show you around?
Carson: I would love to. But I must tend my business first.
Mei Yi: I understand that. I am a woman of business myself. Perhaps we can tend to that together. I know the places of business. I can show you Chinatown. We can stop at a lovely restaurant and meet some people of business I know. On Persephone people should be introduced before business.
Carson: The people in my business would be happier if we didn't meet. I am here to keep a fellow out of trouble.
Mei Yi: Trouble?
Carson: I'm a freelance troubleshooter.
Mei Yi: You shoot at trouble?
Carson: Only if it shoots first.
Mei Yi: And what of trouble that smiles at you?
Carson: Your smile is not trouble. This job might be. My employer says this fellow might have a price on his head. And it ain't the Fed that put that price there.
Mei Yi: I know Persephone. I can find the prices on heads, if you like, and those who placed them. Give me a name.
Carson: Richard Swift. And I hear the Water Dragon Association might be after him.
Mei Yi: Ah, yes. They are a powerful tong. You should not stand against them. I will see if they are involved.
Carson: If you find out, call me. It was nice meeting you.

Carson scratched his comm number down, handed it to Mei Yi, and departed on foot. Mei Yi returned to Golden Lotus. In the bridge, she contacted her uncle Kai Fa.

Mei Yi: Uncle, I just met an interesting man at the docks. A freelance hired to protect a fellow named Swift. He thinks the Water Dragons have targeted him for elimination. Are we after him?
Kai Fa: What is the name of that man?
Mei Yi: The freelance or the target?
Kai Fa: We already know about Richard Swift. Who is his protector?
Mei Yi: Carson, captain of Falcon. So Swift is marked for death?
Kai Fa: He upset a very important man. We will take care of it.
Mei Yi: Upset is not enough for death.
Kai Fa: The money is enough for death. We owe a favor to the important man. Now we return the favor. I will check out this protector's record. You find out if he knows where Swift is. Ma shong!

Mei Yi called to Carson. She did not get a visual on this call, because Carson was talking on a handset as he walked through the docks.

Carson: Wu here.
Mei Yi: This is Mei Yi. You guessed right. Mr. Swift is marked for death by the Water Dragon Associates. This is very dangerous. You should stay out of it.
Carson: I am already in it.

Carson pulled some goggles over his eyes. The lenses in the goggles refocused. The camera's view focused on Golden Lotus in the distance. Mei Yi could be seen through the bridge window talking on the comm.

Mei Yi: At least stay clear of the Water Dragons. Where were you going to meet Swift?
Carson: I know a place.
Mei Yi: I know safe places. I could help you choose.
Carson: Sometimes a stranger can walk a straighter path than someone with connections. I would hate myself if your friends at this safe place were hurt because of me. I'm alone on this.

Carson hung up. Mei Yi called her uncle Kai Fa.

Mei Yi: Carson is meeting Swift soon. Within walking distance. I could not learn more.
Kai Fa: Fool! This Carson is a pro. Carson Thomas Wu, registered bounty hunter. He works for money: who hired him?
Mei Yi: He did not say.
Kai Fa: Find out!
Mei Yi: He left.
Kai Fa: Search inside his ship. You can do that, can't you?
Mei Yi: Yes.
Kai Fa: Inventory it, too. This man Carson will soon be dead, and perhaps we can claim what he leaves behind.

She disconnected, and picked up a gadget that looks like a stethoscope with an electronic sensor. She left Golden Lotus and casually strolled over to Falcon. Glancing around to make sure she was unobserved, she stepped up to a cargo hatch and pressed its open button. It did not open. She pulled out the gadget, attached its sensor beside the combination-lock pad for the hatch, put the headphones in her ears, and started punching buttons. Still no response from the hatch. She continued with an expression of concentration.

From behind her, one hand grabbed her shoulder and another hand slipped a wicked knife against her throat. It's Carson, no longer wearing his goggles.

Carson: I invited you to call, not to step inside.

Mei Yi was speechless. Carson reached over, knife still at Mei Yi's throat, disconnected the electronic sensor, and keyed open the door.

Carson: But since you want to visit, ladies first.

He moved the knife clear, but kept it in hand. They stepped into Carson's ship. The hatch closed behind them, sealing them in a storage space too small to be called a cargo hold but about as messy. Carson patted Mei Yi down with his free hand, then transfered his knife, and patted her down with his other hand. He plucked a shiny derringer from her jacket pocket.

Carson: A little gun for a little lady.
Mei Yi: The holes it makes are full size.
Carson: You aren't armed like an assassin. So, do you work for the Water Dragon Associates, or do you simply sell information to them?
Mei Yi: Neither. I am an independent contractor. Many businesses have dealing with the Water Dragon. It reaches far, uniting the strength of many.
Carson: And who did you call with your information? And what did you tell them?
Mei Yi: My uncles are in it. They know you are here. But they are not your enemy unless you interfere.
Carson: Would those uncles of yours be interested in a little trade? You get home safe in exchange for Richard Swift walking away safe?
Mei Yi: Uncle Kai Fa does not like me.
Carson: So you are useless as a hostage?
Mei Yi: Uncle Wen Li likes me, a little.
Carson: Come on, shao jeh, if your connections with the tong are as thin as soup, why do you break into my ship for them?
Mei Yi: I was born in the Water Dragon. My parents were among its leaders. I left my place there when they died.
Carson: My sympathies for your loss.
Mei Yi: The tong grew among people living on the dark edge. They deal in dangerous business. Walk away from this. You don't have to die, too.
Carson: I took the job. I don't go back on my word. (He steps away from Mei Yi.) Well, since I can't use you as a hostage, I have to put you down.

Carson tucked the knife into a sheath inside his boot, and then removed his coat. He wore a number of holstered guns. He leaned down to place his coat on a crate.

Mei Yi leaped toward Carson, aiming a kick at his head. He blocked with his arm. Mei Yi closed in and tried a kung fu punch. Carson dodged and punched back with a glancing hit against her cheek. He was backed up against the wall of the small hold, but he forced Mei Yi back with his punch.

Carson: Interesting style.
Mei Yi: Dragon style. Yourself?
Carson: Tiger style.

Mei Yi backed off and then landed a kick to Carson's belly. It made a hard thunk. Mei Yi had a look of surprise as she regained her position.

Carson: You're good.
Mei Yi: You're solid. What did I hit?
Carson: Bulletproof ceramic plating.

They continued fighting. Mei Yi blocked one blow from Carson, but his other fist hit her in the solar plexus.

Lights out.

Time passed.

Mei Yi woke up. She was outside, and a medic was leaning over her.

Medic: How many fingers am I holding up. (Holds up two fingers.)
Mei Yi: Two.
Medic: Okay, the stim worked. That will be ten credits. Do you want something for the bruises?
Mei Yi: (reaches for her money clip, and pays the credits) Ten credits is expensive enough!

She looked at her clip, realizing that she hasn't been robbed. She checked her pockets and found her derringer and her electronic lockpick, too. She scanned her surroundings. The landing spot adjacent to her ship was empty.

Mei Yi: My stuff here. Falcon gone. How shi sung chung!

She entered the Golden Lotus. The comm chimed.

Kai Fa: Mei Yi! You left us with a yi dwei da buen chuo roh. That bounty hunter got Swift and got away!
Mei Yi: I noticed.
Kai Fa: Did you notice that he killed three of our men! Or were you too busy making fawn eyes at the man?
Mei Yi: Killed? He did not kill me. He could have, easily.
Kai Fa: I wouldn't miss you. You are just like your mother, that treacherous tramp.

Kai Fa signed off.

Mei Yi: My mother was his sister. His blood has become water.

Commercial Break

Weekend Trip to Long Island

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 01:16:01 GMT

Back when our friend amethyst_dancer used to live at Sound Beach, we traveled to Long Island fairly regularly. I haven't been back since she moved to upstate New York, though frostmuffin still visited on errands for tempestborne. In December, Tempestborne bought a house. He closed out his storage locker in Maryland and moved the items into his house. Not everything fit in one vanload. He left the excess with us.

So this weekend, Tempestborne invited us to see his new home. Frostmuffin, Megami, and I hauled his stuff up to him, too. We left Sunday morning. It was odd seeing the once-familiar highways again.

It is a small house, and the price for Long Island properly is astounding. Fortunately, it has a furnished basement to double its living space. We stayed overnight there. Tempestborne did not want our dogs upstairs , because he wants allergic friends to be able to visit too, but the basement is as nice as the upstairs. (Kerowyn is too aggressive a puppy to leave at home under a neighbor's care.)

We also played the Serenity role-playing game. Tempestborne is the GM for the game, but he wanted to play instead of direct, so I took over for a few hours. He derailed my plan by having his clever character stop the bad guys' crime too early, but I never run a tight plotline anyway, so I continued to see how his character handled the aftermath. He enjoyed himself.

We returned this afternoon, so that Frostmuffin could get to her evening class, and Megami could finish her work of preparing for Katsucon.

Voting

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 01:04:13 GMT

1) I voted today in the primary election. The County Board of Elections messed up and I did not receive a sample ballot ahead of time. However, the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, has a nice web application that generated one for me. I like a list to make sure I research all the candidates before I vote. Usually, I get frostmuffin to do it for me, since we have similar political opinions, but she is out of town.

2) My project at work is on schedule.

3) Why am I writing now, after a hiatus of months? Well, I was e-mailing Frostmuffin daily reports while she was on vacation. She is visiting Reneé Alper right now, and she says it is easier to check livejournals than e-mail when she borrows Reneé's computer.

Erin

The View from MARS

Fri, 30 Jun 2006 11:29:15 GMT

Today begins my third day at MARS, the Mathematics and Related Sciences summer camp at the University of Maryland Eastern Shore. I am helping Bart and Wayne with the Advanced Problem Solving class, in which the students research an unsolved mathematical problem and write a short paper on their results.

The camp lasts two weeks, but I am here only three days. A few months ago, Bart approached me to find some good problems for the class. Then after I invented some, he asked that I participate for three days in order to present the problems. After I agreed to that, he asked that I do one of the evening talks.

None of the students chose the problems I created. They seem to be inclined toward statistical analysis of games and life insurance this year, except for the pair working on the Traveling Salesman Problem. So I have borrowed a computer right now to look up some basic statistical definitions to give a talk on statistics today.

The students did like my evening talk Wednesday on paradoxes.

After the afternoon session of the classes, I am departing MARS and driving directly to New York, where I will join Frostmuffin and the girls on their vacation.

Erin Schram

Carpentry and Plumbing

Sun, 14 May 2006 23:02:04 GMT

Neither frostmuffin nor I have updated in a while. Frostmuffin's excuse is that she was out of town at a liturgy conference. My excuse is that I was ripping up the bathroom to replace rotten floorboards while she was out of town.

Frostmuffin left by Amtrak on Sunday, April 23. I took Friday, April 28, off from work and started the carpentry on the bathroom. Step 1, remove the toilet. Did I mention that we have only one bathroom in our house? That is why I waited until I was the only one in the house for a weekend.

Replacing the rotten floorboards was made more complicated because I did not want to remove the plumbing: the flange and water intake pipe for the toilet. So the new floor had to be assembled in pieces that fit around the plumbing. That meant that I had to build a framework between the joists to support the pieces. I knew that ahead of time, which is why I knew the job would take more than a weekend.

However, I had hoped to build the framework that went under the back wall from the bathroom side alone. Nope, there was no way I would be able to reach the far joist from the bathroom side (the wall was parallel to the joists halfway between them). I had to open the floor on the other side of the wall too. That was the back of Fiona's room, underneath two bookcases. So I had to move the bookcases.

Then I discovered my real problem. My sleep apnea and fatigue illness are under control these days. That is why I am finally trying to catch up on my household repairs. Nevertheless, after several years of being too tired to exercise at all, I am badly out of shape. The simple act of cutting through the floorboards with a power saw would tire me out. Hammering nails or moving bookcases was worse. Time for rest put me far behind schedule.

So I was not finished on Sunday. I worked a half-day on Monday, and took Tuesday off. I was still not finished when Frostmuffin returned home Tuesday afternoon. At least I had warned her so that she had used a restroom before arriving home. She went off to her Tuesday night D&D group early so that she could use the restroom there.

The toilet was in place again Wednesday night. Its plumbing was not hooked up yet, but we could fill its tank from the bathtub faucet. We needed another shopping trip to find the proper parts to hook up the intake pipe. The ones I had purchased earlier did not fit (plumbing parts come in many sizes labeled in a rather confusing system, and the old parts used a system no longer in standard use). I finished the plumbing the following weekend.

I had worked several late nights that Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so it has taken me these two weeks to catch up on my sleep.

Now I just have to persuade Frostmuffin to write about her exciting time in Indiana. And put some flooring over the exposed subflooring of our bathroom.

Erin Schram

I think I lost an hour somewhere in the rush...

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 00:23:46 GMT

This was a busy weekend. frostmuffin decided to go back to Amtgard again. That is a live-action role-playing club. She was too sick to attend in the Fall while she had the sinusitis, and was reluctant to return becuase she was too out-of-shape to fight much, so she hadn't been there since September or October. She wanted me along because going with someone is more fun.

So I got up early Saturday and baked cookies for church and Amtgard. Frostmuffin had to find where she had left her court garb (that meeting was midreign, a more formal event with less fighting than usual). My court garb, a simple tabard, is used less than hers, so I knew exactly where it was.

At first, we thought that our Amtgard chapter, Barony of the Solstice, had invited another chapter to visit, because there were many people in medieval costume at the picnic area of Lane Manor Park. But we recognized no faces there, so we went over to the usual spot away from the picnic area. Turned out a totally separate LARP group, Daggerthorn, was also using the park. Solstice was familiar people with a few new faces. And Ben, Celwyn's toddler son, was taller.

After Amtgard, we rushed over to church for the Saturday service. Pastor Bill is juggling his household due to his engagement to Vicar Arwyn. Her service to a local church ended this weekend. She had to move out of the parish housing there to let the new pastor move in. Pastor Bill moved into an apartment and let Vicar Arwyn move into the parish house at our church. I can understand them not living together before their wedding in June, because pastors have high standards for respectibility, but we wondered why Bill was taking the apartment instead of Arwyn. The answer was that whoever gets the parish house has to take care of both pets--Bill's dog and Arwyn's cat--and Bill is allergic to the cat.

Today's Sunday School lesson covered Palm Sunday through Maundy Thursday. I do that lesson a week early because we have an Easter Egg hunt on Palm Sunday. I made new cards for the Apples to Apples game on a Holy Week theme, to get my students more familiar with the events. I thought I would have to make only a dozen cards to replace the green-apple cards. Frostmuffin pointed out that the green-apple cards were adjectives, and my Holy-Week events were nouns. I instead had to replace the red-apple cards, the nouns, which required four times as many cards. Oops. Making 48 cards took two more hours and I had to expand the theme to all the lessons I did in 2006 rather than just today's lesson.

The new Sunday School room was finished, so we moved into it. The youth room had been split into two classrooms by a new wall. That wall consisting of studs with panelling on each side, so sound travels through it easily. My class was all boys today, and we were noisy and disturbed the adult class in the other room. Gail said that the yelling she could tolerate, but the bouncing off the walls was too much. The new classroom also had a window facing the playground. During the Apples to Apples game, my students noticed another class out in the playground, and they wanted to go out too. I let them. At least the adult class had some quiet then.

Between modifying the Apples to Apples game and Daylight Savings Time, I had only five and a half hours of sleep, so I have been napping this afternoon.

Erin Schram

Here and Back Again

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 01:10:55 GMT

My daughters were home for two weeks. At this moment, they are on the road back to Valparaiso. They should be back to the college around the time I post this.

It was nice having them home.

xelona was willing to cook for her mother, frostmuffin. Frostmuffin has determined that she has an allergy to corn, and thus is avoiding corn in all its forms, such as high-fructose corn syrup and modified food starch. Given that she has similar allergies to soy and rice, you can see that she has to avoid almost all pre-processed foods. And she does not like cooking from scratch. So Xelona cooked for her.

riverlark cleaned. That includes yard work, such as raking the Fall leaves. Oh, you noticed that Fall was two seasons ago? That shows how much cleaning was necessary.

And they were their usual charming selves. Saturday night, we had dinner at Ledo's Pizza, along with Patrick and Diane Trepanier and Megami (see my posting for Tuesday, May 10, 2005). Diane Trepainer makes jewelry, Megami makes costumes and drawings, Frostmuffin makes music, Riverlark makes stage scenery and drawings, and Xelona makes jewelry and graphic design. They were comparing techniques from several artistic disciplines. Patrick and I were stuck as the token non-artist males. Oh, we males are not totally artless. Patrick is in the choir and chime choir, and I design games.

We missed the girls' departure this morning. Frostmuffin is part of the church's chime choir. That is like a bell choir, only chimes are hollow tubes with the clapper on the outside. And the chime choir played at the 8am service and 11am service, so she and I had to leave for church before Xelona and Riverlark had to leave for Valparaiso.

To backtrack, the girls drove our older minivan from Valparaiso to Savage and arrived the night of March 4th, Frostmuffin's birthday. Xelona accompanied us to church, but Riverlark needed her sleep. I ended up taking the returned minivan to work, instead of our one-car routine of Frostmuffin dropping me off every morning. (I also noticed that the old minivan needed a wheel alignment, so I dropped it off at the auto shop near work on Tuesday.) I did not see much of the girls during the week, because I was working late on preparing some problems for M.A.R.S. math summer camp.

For the weekend, we went up to amethyst_dancer's house near Ithaca, New York. We took Megami with us too. There we played D&D with tempestborne as the DM. This session was not a structured adventure; we were just catching up on the lives of our characters and sending them out shopping. That trip took Monday too, so I used up a vacation day.

We were lucky in traveling to New York that weekend. Maryland had a heat wave that ended hours before we returned. So long as I avoid hot weather, my health continues to improve.

I hope to hear from my daughters soon. They're good kids.

Erin Schram

Career Confounded

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 13:52:30 GMT

I finished all my medical tests and got the official decision from Human Resources about my illness. Dr. Riddle stated that the treatment of my illnesses has been maximized and that my illness should not prevent me from doing my essential job duties. The interpretation of Human Resources, as relayed to me by my supervisors since the Human Resources person talks in closed meetings that exclude me, is that I am not sick. Thus, I am going to be moved up from a light load of work to a normal load of work and judged according to how I handle it. Oh, and since our team is overworked and undermanned at the moment, a normal workload means getting a lot of projects done quickly. Bureaucracy is a rotten system for management; too bad we haven't invented anything to replace it.

My health problems have been an undiagnosable fatigue illness, sleep apnea, depression, and exhaustion under summer heat (technically known as Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder). The sleep apnea is now treated with a CPAP machine. The depression, which might have been augmented by the sleep apnea symptoms, I have overcome by church activities. A recent cold snap let me take conscious control of my immune system and force my fatigue illness back into remission for a couple of months. And summer is months away. I am healthier than I have been in two years. But I still cannot work quickly. Even when completely healthy, I have never been good at quick work. Management is going to be disappointed. When I explained that to them, they mentioned the PIP (Performance Improvement Process) as the remedy for that.

So, instead of focusing entirely on my work yesterday, I spent some time reading up on the personnel regulations. A nice side effect of having my fatigue in remission is that my brain can make connections again, letting me decipher theorems and regulations beyond the comprehension of most people.

I had better explain the performance evaluation system at work. Back when I started at the agency, they used to have to scrap the evaluation system every three years and start over again. Most managers were convinced that their teams were above average and deserved promotions, so they would inflate their people's reviews to make them comparable to the other inflated reviews. After three years of inflation, the best person in each team would be rated as walking on water and promotion decisions became impossible. Finally a new system was invented that was designed to require heavy documentation for all exceptional reviews. The five rating levels are;
5. Greatly exceeded expectations (requires documentation)
4. Exceeded expectations (requires documentation)
3. Met expectations
2. Sometimes met expectations (no chance for promotion)
1. Did not meet expectations (Human Resources becomes involved)

Last month, in my posting Bad Day, I said that I was rated "Did not meet expectations". Okay, I am not totally over my depression: I exaggerated the severity of my ratings. My rating was 1.9, which officially is considered as a 2, "Sometimes met expectations." My bosses called in Human Resources early, in hopes of forestalling the consequences if I did get rated as "Did not meet expectations." Instead, they now seem to be viewing me as bottom level already. The PIP is applied to people who have not improved after Human Resources intervention at "Did not meet expectations." It is a one-month probation period of short clear goals and a theme of shape up or ship out. Why are they threatening me with one of those? Not only is it unjustified and premature, but they don't want me to ship out--the team is understaffed.

Maybe rating inflation has finally hit the current performance evaluation system and a 2 counts as a 1. But the regulations don't say that.

I see three courses ahead of me: I can continue in my current office; I can switch to another office in the agency that does not require speedy work; or I can find another job outside the agency. The first would get me rated as a 2 again and treated as a 1. The second might be difficult: offices that allow a leisurely pace for in-depth mathematical research are considered plum positions. The third is more difficult, but it does have an advantage that I could move to a cooler climate. That would improve my health.

So I am starting a job search, both inside and outside the agency. I am at no risk of losing my job this year, so I am starting my job search slowly by asking people for advice. Not many people read this livejournal--but do any of you have advice?

I have also sent applications for mathematics professor positions at Valparaiso University and Michigan Technological University. It is late to apply, so I have little chance, but those are jobs that tempt me. My daughters tell me that Valpo is a great college, but their math department could use some people who can make math more interesting. And Michigan Tech does research in areas that interest me, and is in the cold and beautiful Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Other applications to universities will wait until the hiring season opens again in October.

Erin Schram

Skirmish-16

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:57:55 GMT

On Saturday, Josh Tempkin held two Skirmish-16 tournaments at Games and Comics and Stuff in Glen Burnie, Maryland. Four of us other Table Treasure members volunteered to help. I had volunteered to help on the condition that Josh give me a ride to Peace Lutheran Church (a mile or two from the tournament) afterwards. The tournaments lasted until 6pm, and with cleanup I did not reach church until 6:37pm, so I missed the Saturday worship service.

Skirmish-16 is a game Josh invented. He had invented it for a contest to make a game that consisted of exactly 16 cards. It is a good game, simple yet with high levels of out-thinking your opponent, so he is going to market it. He has not sent it to a game publisher yet. The tournament was held with the prototype cards. I think its purpose was to gauge the interest in the game. The players, four at the 2pm tournament and seven at the 4pm tournament, liked the game.

As for me missing church, it gave the other people at the service a chance to fill the roles of greeter and usher that I usually serve. frostmuffin knows the key to recruiting volunteers: ask them to fill a real need, and make sure the task does not seem overwhelming. Proper build-up aids the second part. By asking people to serve little tasks like greeter or reader, they learn that such roles are easy and become willing to move up to more difficult roles, such as communion assistant or choir member.

Anyway, I did not miss worship this weekend. I attended most of the Sunday 9am service and all of the Sunday 11am service. I skipped out of the 9am service early to fulfill my duties as a Sunday School teacher. We had a multigenerational event at 10am this Sunday, combining pretzel making with a little Mardi Gras celebration, and I was one of the pretzel bakers.

tempestborne was visiting this weekend, but because of the tournament I saw little of him. He is going to upgrade Frostmuffin's computer so that it can play the Oblivion game that I promised her as a present. Oblivion is her belated Christmas present (I have to wait until the game actually comes out) and my share of the upgrade is her birthday present.

Frostmuffin also did the FAFSA application for our daughters today. She finished the one for xelona, but she has to wait until riverlark's PIN is re-issued to finish hers.

Erin Schram

Bad Day

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 14:03:22 GMT

Yesterday my career started a death spiral. "Death Spiral" was Dr. Riddle's words; he likes aviation metaphors since he used to be an Air Force doctor. And technically, the death spiral will happen only if I do not become healthy in two months.

I have had a fatigue illness that started about nine years ago. Several doctors have been unable to diagnosis it. A diagnosis of hypopituitarism, underperformance of the pituitary gland, seemed close, but it turned out my hormones were fine. The oddities in my blood chemistry blotched up the usual hormone tests. My fatigue is not as bad a chronic fatigue syndrome. I work at half speed or quarter speed, I exhaust easily, I take a long time to recover my strength after illness, and I have constant muscle pain that fortunately I can mentally block without much effort. I also need 10 hours of sleep a day, but I needed that before I became fatigued.

Sometimes the fatigue goes into remission, during which I had 80% of my pre-fatigue endurance. My illness started October 1996, and a niacin treatment sent it into remission in September 1997. It re-emerged in February 1999, the niacin treatment failed, but it mysteriously went into remission again in May 2000. It flared up again sometime in 2001, but I pulled the trick of devoting my immune system 100% to it (leaving me defenseless against all other diseases) in December 2002 and forced it into remission for the next four months. That was the last time it was in remission. I have had full fatigue for the last two years and eight months.

Plus this last bout had additional symptoms, such as a mental fog that I had to work around to do higher mathematics. Then, when Christ the Servant Lutheran Church disbanded in October 2003, I developed depression. I think depression had been a symptom all along, but I had held it back by force of will. It took a depressing event in my life to let it overcome me. My work at my job ground to a complete halt.

I got involved at a new church, Peace Lutheran, and started forcing my depression away. I also started seeing a psychologist at work, but that did not seem to help much. Fortunately, my physician, Dr. Milles, figured out that I had sleep apnea on top of the fatigue (becoming fatter in the last few years had narrowed my nasal airways). I started using a CPAP machine in May 2004. After a few months the mental fog cleared up.

So lately I have enjoyed the relative good health of being afflicted with only my fatigue illness. The management at my job had been patient with me, accommodating me with a light workload. However, they have been honestly evaluating me in the annual reports as "Does not meet expectations." That is bureaucratese for "incompetent." Two incompetent ratings in a row mean that the personnel department has become involved and I might be fired for not doing my job.

My supervisor and his boss anticipated this, so for the last month I have been working with Ms. Roesner from the personnel office and with Dr. Riddle at the OHESS (Occupational Health, Environment, and Safety Services) to document my illness. My management figured that if they could officially document my health problems, then they could officially lower their expectations for me and give me better ratings. Or I could be transferred into a job I can handle or be dropped down to part-time status. (Part-time status would be bad, since my pay would be cut.)

Yesterday I had an appointment with my physician Dr. Milles and persuaded him to stop playing phone tag with Dr. Riddle and talk to him. Yesterday afternoon I had a meeting with Dr. Riddle. He had a few ideas for improving my health: adjusting my CPAP machine to an optimal setting for me instead of the factory setting and getting me on anti-depressant drugs to clear up any remaining depression. After we try that (which will take a few weeks to set up), we wait four weeks to see if my health clears up. If not, he sees no hope for my career. And he seems more optimistic than the irritating Ms. Roesner, who I suspect sees me as deadwood to be discarded.

Reporting this back to my management, they are hopeful about restoring my health. They really don't like me working at quarter speed. Our office is overtasked at the moment and being able to dump a normal workload on me would lessen that problem.

I got to see my annual evaluation for 2005, too. I was rated "Does not meet expectations," which I expected. But I was also rated incompetent in some individual tasks that I thought I had accomplished reasonably well. This was depressing.

After work, I joined Amy in a D&D game at The Family Game Story at Savage Mill. Last week, her brand-new first-level party of three characters had lost their battle against four orcs. The DM had given them a teaser that this week they would wake up in a stewpot. Amy persuaded me to roll up a character and rescue them. You can see her account of that at her livejournal frostmuffin.

Erin Schram

My Day Off

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 02:22:35 GMT

frostmuffin still isn't back up to her old frequency of posting in her Livejournal, so I figure I can make up the lack today.

This week Amy was running behind in practice for the Saturday Service due to other people having appointments on Wednesday and Thursday, so practice was on Saturday, right before the service. We left for church at 2:45pm, instead of 4pm. And that was running 15 minutes late. We arrived at church at 3:15 pm, and I didn't need to start my greeter/usher duties until 5:00pm.

So I spent some time down in my Sunday School classroom preparing a craft project for Sunday School. The Spring workbooks have not been ordered yet, so I am working through the lessons I skipped in the Fall workbooks: overused stories, boring stories, and Christmas stories (Sunday School was cancelled during Advent to allow for time to practice for the Christmas pagent). Last week I did the Wise Men following the Star to baby Jesus, because that Sunday was Epiphany. This week, I chose the Jonah story. But the stuff about the whale swallowing Jonah was old hat. I decided that we were going to destroy Nineveh! Though Nineveh repented when Jonah preached to it, and was spared the destruction he threatened, it was destroyed 150 years later, so I incorporated Nahum's prophecy of its destruction into my lesson too. Two minor prophets in one stroke! I spent the time before Saturday Service building the city of Nineveh out of cardstock paper.

Only two of my students showed up Sunday. I let them design the method of destroying my little houses. Nineveh was destroyed by space aliens. I sent some undamaged houses home to a student who was out sick.

Also on Saturday, after dinner at IHOP, I dragged Amy somewhere to sit for a few hours herself. Table Treasure game design group was having another playtesting session of Lords & Guilds. I am one of the main designers for that game, but I have not had time to join any playtesting on it for the last two months. One of the remaining flaws in the game is that it takes way too long, which does make playtesting too time-consuming for my schedule. They squeezed me into the game after the first turn, because I arrived late, as I had warned them. Poor Amy had to occupy herself with D&D stuff for an hour and a half.

I have been also rewriting the rules to the Dread Pirate game. Josh Tempkin received it as a Christmas gift. It has great components: treasure bags, die-cast ships, gold-colored metal doubloons, and a cloth map for a gameboard. Alas, it has roll-the-dice-and-move type of rules. Josh wanted some rules with strategy. I thought I finished the new rules Sunday.

Today, on my day off for the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, first I slept in. I actually feel more rested, which is unusual. I even took our puppy Kerowyn for a walk. Then this afternoon, Amy and I went down to the new game store in Savage Mill, The Family Game Store. The shopkeeper let us play their display copy of Dread Pirate. I tested the old rules and the new rules against Amy. I found some changes to make. I just finished rewriting my rewritten rules.

Amy is in Deacon class right now.

Erin Schram